Small Tools, Big Change

I can get comfortable with problems. Like the stone in my shoe I just learn to walk with. I contort my being in insane manners of tolerance and suffering to just keep limping forward.

I’m changing this.

I am sharpening my discipline. It’s a practice. It’s not my comfort zone. It is changing my life in the ways I need.

Before having children I had a regular yoga and meditation practice. I leaned into a deep pranayama practice that was greatly transformative.

It’s taken me 6 years of limping along with kids, putting them first all the time to finally recognize I am not serving us. For me to steer our ship, I need to be in better shape, better mind set and heart space.

I looked around and saw how far away I was from all the tools. I felt like it was impossible to create change. I felt like it was all too much and I couldn’t. I can’t. ‘I can’t do it’ became my unconscious mantra.

I tugged on the small thread of discipline and pulled and pulled and pulled until it became a hearty braid, and eventually a rope. I tugged until I was upright and engaged and making boundaries and taking care of me.

There’s a reason we are supposed to put our masks on first on the airplane. If I can’t breathe, I can’t teach my children to, I am showing them how to struggle and sacrifice without purpose.

So every day I do something for me.

I have been focusing on the speech in my head to be kinder, and then the language I use with my children grows more compassionate.

Little steps every day are accumulating and I’m feeling competent, able to guide our family in a good way.

This is one of the tools. Breathe deep and invoke the remembrance of fluidity and body centered awareness.

Grateful.

Grateful.

Grateful.

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